


(re)start

by minshuas



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Cigarettes, Pickpocketing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-09
Updated: 2018-09-09
Packaged: 2019-07-10 05:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15942758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minshuas/pseuds/minshuas
Summary: Soonyoung and Wonwoo learn to stop using each other. Together, they learn a lot.





	(re)start

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



> i'm the WORST. i can't apologize enough for how late this is??? i'm literally the worst fjlsjljf
> 
> BUT IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, ANNIE!!!!! so i'm FASHIONABLY LATE jlfjsf it is really an honor to write something for you... it probably isn't exactly what you had in mind, but that's just how i work!!! gotta ruin everything with my Demon Hands fjlsjf i really hope you enjoy it AND i hope you have a WONDERFUL, AWESOME birthday. ilu!!!!!

( _ then _ )

“Is skipping class the first bad thing you’ve ever done?” Soonyoung asks. He’s keeping “look out” for teachers, faculty, other students with a sucker tucked into his mouth. From across the hallway, Wonwoo thinks he looks like a squirrel. He’d make a joke out of it, but he’s too caught up in the trembling of his extremities. Skipping class  _ is  _ the first bad thing he’s ever done and he doesn’t know why he agreed to doing it. There’s nothing promising about Soonyoung or whatever his plans are. 

Still, Wonwoo’s bones ache with a want that he doesn’t recognize. In this moment, his own body feels foreign. He desires a freedom that he’s never had before and he knows that Soonyoung can give him exactly what he wants. But unlike everything else he’s ever wanted, he has to work for this. Money can’t buy this feeling. His hands can’t shade the right answer for him to get it. This is something that Soonyoung can show him, but he has to experience himself. Just the thought of tasting what he’s never had has his heart beating hard in his chest. He only has six months before graduation and college and expectation upon expectation. 

The coast seems clear so Soonyoung waves him over. 

“What does it matter?” In an instant, Wonwoo is right at Soonyoung’s side. 

Soonyoung snorts, shaking his head. “That’s a  _ yes _ .” He starts to walk backwards towards the side doors. The ones that only staff uses to enter and exist the school. He keeps walking until his back is pressed against it and Wonwoo just follows after him. “If you don’t know though, I’m not going to tell you.” Soonyoung doesn’t let Wonwoo leave, just smiles up at him all sweetly. His mouth is stained an electric blue color from the sucker that is still hanging out of his mouth. It’s grotesque and Wonwoo knows he’s making a face, but Soonyoung doesn’t even seemed phased. “Come on,” he says, pulling on Wonwoo’s sleeve and leading him into the wintry air. 

As soon as they are outside, they dissolve into laughter. The bite of the cold is enough to make them want to run and hide, but Wonwoo couldn’t be happier to be on the outside for once. When he calms down and looks back at the school, he thinks it looks like a fish tank with a cover over it. Their fish tank is right in the middle of the ocean, but the walls block out all the possibilities that exist outside of the tank. Inside is solely where they exist until the bell rings to signal the end of the day. 

Then the cycle repeats the next day. 

“They’ll be looking for me soon.” Soonyoung says, breathlessly. The sucker is in his hands now. “After lunch is the only time I can leave because they don’t let me take bathroom breaks anymore.” The teachers call him a  _ flight risk _ . Everyone in the school knows that if Soonyoung shows up, then he’ll be gone before the end of the day. Impulse sits on his fingertips and calls for him. He never denies himself either. Wonwoo thinks it is foolish and despises how Soonyoung treats everyone like they are just background noise. In class, he doesn’t listen to teachers and at home, he must be difficult to talk to. Wonwoo doesn’t think that he has any friends, but who would be friends with someone who isn’t even really there? 

If they’ll be looking for him, then Wonwoo knows they have to get away from the school. The more distance between them and the school, the better. He starts to move towards the highway, but Soonyoung stops him. “Idiot,  _ not  _ that way.” Anger rushes through him, making it hard to hear Soonyoung’s next words. The insult stings. He’s not one to be reprimanded or insulted, so he feels embarrassed and angry at Soonyoung for throwing around his words so easily. “When they send the school officer after us, they’ll use the highway. We have to go towards the forest.” Only when Wonwoo focuses can he hear there’s no heat in his words. 

Stunned, Wonwoo lets Soonyoung pull him towards the forest. It’ll take at least a half an hour to reach it from where they are, but if they run, they’ll be able to cut the time in nearly half. It should work that way, but when Soonyoung drops Wonwoo’s arm, Wonwoo pulls back. Then there’s a bunch of static in his ears so he misses the next couple of seconds. It isn’t until Soonyoung’s sucker hits the ground that he even realizes what’s happened. 

Red touches electric blue. Soon enough, it’ll make purple. 

Both of Soonyoung’s hands go up to cup the injury. Blood comes away on his fingers and drips down onto the sidewalk. The static is still playing in Wonwoo’s ears, but it is just background noise. Instead, he can hear how Soonyoung’s breathing is suddenly heavy and he can see just how red and thick his blood is as it runs down his skin. Wonwoo’s own knuckles are kissed with red. “I’m sorry.” He says automatically, but he’s not sorry. Soonyoung’s eyes widen before he starts to laugh. 

“You  _ fucking  _ asshole.” His hands lower so he can spit a bunch of blood out of his mouth. “Did it feel good? You want to get into a fight now?” Suddenly, Soonyoung’s hands are on his body, pushing him back in provocation. Wonwoo steps back abruptly, then he’s pushed again. “ _ Don’t  _ think I did this because I wanted to help you, prestige.  _ You  _ asked this out of me and I’m just helping you. Whatever you have going on? That has nothing to do with me.” He spits the words out and blood comes out with them. “Now, follow me, or get the  _ fuck  _ lost.” 

With that, he turns and heads in the direction of the forest. 

( _ now _ )

The moon is still hanging in the sky when Wonwoo wakes up. Six in the morning feels familiar from years of schooling. However, those years are behind him now. Now, at just-turned-thirty, he is an adult with a (mostly) established life. His roots are dug into the ground here at this little, shitty sky blue fixer-upper that costed way too much for what it is. This is where he calls home for the first time in his life. He’s been living here for five years now, trying to fix it up to the best of his ability, but sadly, he needs a lot of help. Maybe that’s why two days after he bought it, he’s begging Soonyoung to move in with him.  _ We’re ready _ , he urges with expectant eyes and Soonyoung only tips his head back and laughs like this might be a joke, like Wonwoo might have his fingers crossed. So, it takes another twenty-four hours, but then Soonyoung’s ringing the doorbell that only halfway works at three in the morning and Wonwoo  _ knows _ . 

This was never meant to be his home. It was  _ theirs _ . 

“Soonyoung,” Wonwoo presses a kiss to his bare shoulder, trying to coax him awake. It isn’t something he would normally do, but he needs to be on Soonyoung’s good side today. People are expecting them to be able to work together and while usually that’s not a problem, sometimes six in the morning can affect a person’s affections. “Soonyoung,  _ shower _ .” 

It doesn’t really work, but Soonyoung’s fifteen after six alarm does the trick with its gentle vibrations and soft melody. When they first had moved in together, Wonwoo had a hard time relating the serene tune with his preconceived image of Soonyoung, but that’s because he only had a surface level understanding of the boy. He knew a Soonyoung that Soonyoung wanted everyone to know, but when he showed up that morning, he had started to show Wonwoo a different side of himself. 

Rice is in the cooker when Wonwoo starts the shower. He knows that Soonyoung won’t be happy if he’s left with cold water, so he plans on being quick. This early in the morning, though, the hot water feels like a sin as it runs down Wonwoo’s body. He knows that he can’t linger in it for too long, but he gives in to himself just this once. Sharing might be the foundation that Soonyoung and he are supposed to exist upon, but Wonwoo can’t help it if he feels the tension in his muscles being released just by this simple act. He closes his eyes, tips his head back, and lets the water flood his body. 

There’s a draft. Just a quick burst of air that’s too cold, so Wonwoo doesn’t think anything of it, but then there are gentle hands moving across the planes of Wonwoo’s chest. It makes him shiveer. “Hogging the hot water?” Soonyoung’s voice is at his ear, soft but teasing. 

Wonwoo chuckles, turning around to face Soonyoung. He doesn’t shy away from his touch. “You didn’t wake up when I tried, so I gave up.” The explanation doesn’t satisfy Soonyoung who rolls his eyes. Even so, he hums in understanding, reaching past Wonwoo for their body wash. 

Instead of washing himself though, Soonyoung lathers the soap in his hands and runs them along Wonwoo’s chest, down his back, along his arms. The sensation of Soonyoung’s hand against Wonwoo’s bare skin makes him feel light and giddy. It makes him tremble slightly. Also, he finds that it is comforting in a way that Wonwoo’s never experienced before Soonyoung. The combination of the water and the heat and Soonyoung’s hands makes Wonwoo feel inexplicable. The whole experience is oddly domestic for them. Domesticity is usually avoided. The way they operate is unique — a result from years of complication. Nothing can ever just be easy for them, especially when they are together. This moment shouldn’t be happening, it doesn’t fit their schema. But not everything has to. Wonwoo knows that Soonyoung can be sweet and his touch can be gentle. Anger has just always been easier for him — for Wonwoo too. 

They wash up quickly. Hands buried in each other’s hair and bodies slick with soap foam. It is incredibly intimate, but not inappropriate at all. Wonwoo’s enthralled by the fact that they can touch each other without need or want. Their hands are just hands and their skin is just skin. “Let me by,” Soonyoung says, trying to squeeze past him. He catches the look on Wonwoo’s face and smiles lazily at him. Sleep still rests in his eyes but Wonwoo doesn’t have any longer to evaluate Soonyoung’s condition because he palms his face underneath the faucet, turning away from Wonwoo. 

Somehow, Soonyoung is the first one out of the shower. Wonwoo stays submerged until the water runs cold. 

( _ then _ )

The forest becomes  _ their  _ place. 

Wonwoo doesn’t mean for it to happen, but he falls in love with its vibrance. It isn’t a perfect escape, but it works. Even with Soonyoung there, he’s able to lose himself midst the trees. They don’t have to spend any time together when their in the forest and usually, they avoid each other. Today though, Wonwoo doesn’t want to be alone. 

“This isn’t even really a forest.” Soonyoung says, offhandedly. They had been talking about this girl in their class — Minkyung. Wonwoo doesn’t know her well, but she’s one of the top students. She’s one of the youngest, but no one seems to even notice because she’s so tall. And no one minds because she’s so beautiful. “Just the backyard to  _ something _ .” 

He’s right. There are no houses around, but this isn’t really a forest. The treeline only spans a couple yards out and a couple in. “Yeah.” He replies absently. His gaze is directed up towards the clouds. Whenever Soonyoung talks about  _ girls _ his mind seems to check out of the conversation. Before today, he hadn’t really noticed, but with the abrupt topic change, he’s forced to introspect on it. It probably has to do with the fact that he likes the way Soonyoung looks at him, but he doesn’t want to go down that path, especially when he hates all the other aspects of Soonyoung. Whatever connection they have is forged shoddily. There aren’t any real feelings sitting between them. Their friendship is built on  _ use  _ and  _ need _ . 

To knock some sense into him, Soonyoung digs his foot into Wonwoo’s side until the pain is bitingly real. “What the fuck?” Immediately, Wonwoo stands up, pulling his arm back. 

Soonyoung’s hands go up in surrender. “You want to hit me again?” As he lowers his hands, he juts his chin out as if he’s proposing a challenge. They are close enough that Wonwoo can still see the fading, purplish bruise that he had left against his skin. The sight grounds him. Slowly, he lowers his arm back to his side and sits down. “If you want to hit me, then you just have to do it like you did the first time.” One of Soonyoung’s hands goes up to touch the bruise. There’s a fire in his eyes that is a warning to Wonwoo. Briefly, as if there’s no time for him to really think about it, he wonders if Soonyoung is used to this. Is this the kind of touch he’s familiar with? 

“I don’t want to hit you.” Wonwoo mumbles, rubbing his side gently. The skin is red from the pressure Soonyoung was exerting against it. “Just… What the fuck?” He gestures to it, but Soonyoung just shrugs. 

“You zone out a lot. It’s fucking annoying,” he laughs bitterly. “Whenever I bring up Minkyung, you go somewhere else.” 

So, Soonyoung’s noticed. For some reason, that makes Wonwoo angry. He sits back up, shooting a glare towards Soonyoung who isn’t even looking back in his direction. “Maybe I don’t want to talk about Minkyung.” He manages, gritting his teeth. 

“You don’t want to talk about  _ any  _ girls, prestige. All I’ve seen you do for  _ years  _ is fix your hair and turn in work months ahead of the due date. I’m the first person you approached in your homeroom, you know that? I have everyone asking me what’s so special about  _ me _ , but I don’t really know what to tell them. Just one day, you decided to stop being a mindless zombie and the person you seek out is  _ me _ . I couldn’t stand to be in class before, but I really hate it now. I was infamous, but now you made me popular.” 

Wonwoo snorts. He doesn’t hold  _ that  _ much power. 

“I wish you never talked to me.” Soonyoung kicks at a rock. “Everyone wants to talk to me now when all I’ve ever wanted is for them to leave me alone.” Wonwoo knows that he shouldn’t be upset at Soonyoung’s words, but he can’t help but wish that he left a better impression on Soonyoung. After hitting him that hard last time, he should have. “Plus you never just want to talk.” 

At that, Wonwoo laughs. It is a bitter, ugly sound. “I don’t  _ ever  _ want to talk about Minkyung.” 

“ _ Why _ ?” This is such a stupid argument, but here they are, having it. Wonwoo thinks about telling Soonyoung the truth. For a brief moment, he considers telling Soonyoung about how his feelings seem to be all messed up because he’s not thinking about Minkyung — has  _ never  _ thought about Minkyung. Instead, he’s thinking about Soonyoung. Just like always. 

If he said that though, he’s sure Soonyoung wouldn’t take him seriously. So, he says the closest related thing. “I’m gay, idiot.”

The silence is uncomfortable. Wonwoo doesn’t turn his gaze away from Soonyoung, but Soonyoung’s studying the ground. At the very least, the argument is dropped, but now Wonwoo’s stomach is rolling. If Soonyoung doesn’t say anything, he might get sick because of the ringing in his ears. Never has a silence felt so deafening. He doesn’t need Soonyoung’s approval, but he is the first person that Wonwoo’s ever told, so he wants  _ something _ from him. 

“Is that—” Finally, Soonyoung starts to say something. 

Wonwoo interrupts him. “Think carefully about what you are about to say.” It is a challenge because he can hear the ugly question fall of his lips before it is even formed coherently:  _ Is that what this is about?  _ He doesn’t want to have to answer it because he’s not quite sure yet. Would it make him bad if it was? If he did all of this just to get close to a boy who captured his attention, would that make him selfish? Is he using Soonyoung just the same way that Soonyoung’s using him? 

“Why me?” Soonyong asks instead. 

Wonwoo’s face scrunches up in mild disgust. His head and his heart collide. “Why would it be  _ you _ ?” 

At this, Soonyoung looks surprised. He searches Wonwoo’s face carefully for any give. There’s never any honesty between them. Wonwoo tries his best not to waver underneath Soonyoung’s gaze. When he seemingly can’t find anything he’s looking for, Soonyoung leans back against a nearby tree. “You know, everyone falls for the bad boy.” He jokes, swiping his fingers over his eyebrows in a greasy, unattractive way. 

Still, Wonwoo’s heart picks up speed. In retaliation for the attack, he chucks a pebble at Soonyoung. It hits the ground in front of him sadly. “You  _ wish _ ,” he bites out, tasting blood in his mouth. It feels like he’s the one that’s been hit this time. 

( _ now _ )

Getting out the door on time is always a problem for Soonyoung. 

This morning seems to be backwards though because Wonwoo is still shuffling through his shirt options while Soonyoung is grabbing the keys and coffee. “Are you going to starve today?” Soonyoung calls to him from their kitchen. Their place is small enough that he can hear him easily through their thin walls. While he throws around the idea of starvation, he picks out a soft baby blue dress shirt. It’s silky and overpriced, but Wonwoo has a weakness for Mingyu. This shirt is one of many that he had received as a present on his birthday last year. He’s not worn them enough. “Throwing out the food in three…”

“I’m not a kid!” Wonwoo calls back, closing the closet gently before shrugging off his pajamas. “Counting down to zero isn’t going to get me to move any faster!” It is silly, but he does feel a sudden burst to finish getting ready. Quickly, he buttons his shirt up so he can make it into the kitchen before Soonyoung wastes their food by throwing it out just because Wonwoo isn’t on time for once. He’s never threatened to throw Soonyoung’s breakfast out before. Maybe he should take a page from Soonyoung’s book that gets them out the door on time. 

“Two!” Soonyoung yells, oblivious to the fact that all Wonwoo has to do is round the corner and he’ll be in the kitchen. 

After a couple beats, Wonwoo jumps out of hiding, trying to scare Soonyoung. It doesn’t exactly work because Soonyoung’s by the trash can. “Look, I’m here.” He says, but there’s a challenge in Soonyoung’s eyes. Wonwoo knows exactly what he’s doing. 

“One…” He says, tilting the plate so the pieces of toast and eggs start to slide towards the trashcan. They don’t, but Wonwoo knows that he’s on a minefield now. “You look nice.” He comments. “I think the blue suits you.” It is such a normal statement, considering the circumstance. Wonwoo almost forgets that his breakfast is on the verge of destruction. 

If he makes a sudden movement, he’ll lose. “Thanks,” he says evenly, eyes not wavering from Soonyoung. “I figured I’d finally wear the stuff that Mingyu gets from me.” It’ll be a waste of food and time if Soonyoung throws that plate out. Plus they’ll have to pull their plate out of the garbage and no one wants to do that. “It’s expensive.” 

“You suit expensive.” Soonyoung says. He’s in a suit that is an obnoxious print. Wonwoo thinks that they are cow spots, but Soonyoung argues tooth and nail that they are cheetah print. The suit itself is tan and hot pink. When Soonyoung bought it, no one was with him, which is apparent by how god awful it looks. If someone had been with him, then maybe they could have spoken some sense into him.  _ But the cut works for me, Wonwoo.  _ He had whined when he unveiled the suit for the first time. 

Which… The cut does work for him, but the suit itself is so ugly that it doesn’t even matter. Maybe he could be mistaken for a runway model. The outfit is that ridiculous. Wonwoo can’t believe that he’s letting Soonyoung out of the house in it, especially for all their colleagues and friends to see. Surely, he’ll get made fun of and be in a bad mood for the whole night, but Wonwoo isn’t going to be the one to rain on his parade. He loves Soonyoung  _ and  _ his ugly ass suit, especially if it makes him happy. 

“Can I please have breakfast?” Wonwoo finally gains the nerve to ask. “We are way past zero.”

Soonyoung grins at him, showing him all his teeth when he does. It is the type of smile that is adorable and makes Wonwoo forget that he used to pickpocket people for fun. “Can I drive?” He tries to wager a win-win situation. Wonwoo can’t imagine letting Soonyoung drive them anywhere, but he’s finally,  _ officially  _ licensed, so it can’t hurt. A professional gave him a license for it. At the very least, he won’t kill them. 

“Sure,” Wonwoo says, looking away. There’s something about Soonyoung’s smile that makes Wonwoo feel unusually light. “Now give me the plate.” He holds his hands out, grabbing hold of the plate before Soonyoung can jump ship and abandon him without any breakfast. “Thank you,” he whispers on his way past Soonyoung. “I’ll finish up quickly so we can get going.” 

( _ then _ )

It isn’t that Wonwoo’s never been invited to a party before, it is just that he’s never went. Studies always were more important than popularity, but even then, he was still able to maintain his popularity. People seem to just gravitate towards him. At school, he’s cold to people and he supposes it is his cold demeanor and good looks that make him seem desirable. There’s a mysterious air that follows him around. Maybe people are curious about him. He knows that Soonyoung isn’t. When he invites him to the party, it is nonchalant. It isn’t that he wants him to be there. No, Soonyoung just wants to assist in ruining Wonwoo’s life. If he wants to ruin himself, then Soonyoung is here for the ride. 

Because that’s what Soonyoung does, he ruins things. 

The neon lights tell Wonwoo that this party isn’t like the ones that he’s heard about from the kids in his homeroom. Soonyoung’s brought Wonwoo to a dangerous place with a beat that pulses deep in his veins. Dancing doesn’t have a place in his heart, but the music threatens to swallow him whole. Mindlessly (it seems), teenagers crowd together and let the music take them away from reality. Wonwoo is immediately envious of them. He wants to give himself up to the music. 

Soonyoung pushes off him like he’s a springboard and he dives into the crowd. His body moves in a way that Wonwoo finds captivating. The song that is playing is sultry and deep. When Soonyoung moves his hips to the beat, Wonwoo feels the heaviness of the bass and suddenly he’s being pulled in by Soonyoung’s gaze. “Gotcha,” Soonyoung aims a finger gun at Wonwoo’s chest as he approaches and he can’t hear him over the music, but he can see his lips move. 

When Wonwoo is close enough, Soonyoung wraps his arms around Wonwoo’s neck and pulls him until they are touching. This isn’t where Wonwoo should be. He knows better than to play with fire, but he also knows that Soonyoung is hypnotizing and addictive. He’s like a drug that Wonwoo’s hooked on, but the side effects vary. Today, he’s a hallucinogen. 

It’s a bad comparison, but Wonwoo doesn’t have anything better. 

His brain short-circuits around Soonyoung. Maybe that’s why he starts to move along to the beat, along with Soonyoung. The lights are dancing too. Wonwoo watches them saturate Soonyoung in pinks and yellows and blues. For some reason, it is captivating. It distracts Wonwoo from his surroundings until it is only them, and a song that feels like it is looping. 

“Like what you see?” Soonyoung’s voice is absent, but Wonwoo’s watching his lips form the words. He’s been staring and he’s not afraid to admit it, but he knows that nothing about Soonyoung is easy. The game that he’s playing is complicated and if Wonwoo wants to play, then he has to be playing by Soonyoung’s rules. So, he lifts an eyebrow, teasingly and watches Soonyoung’s face cloud over with confusion.  _ Do I like it?  _ Wonwoo tests himself. 

He fails. “Maybe,” he mouths back, pressing forward. His hands run down Soonyoung’s sides and they both shiver amidst the heat of dozens of other bodies pressing around them. All they are is background noise to Wonwoo though. Everything fades into  _ Soonyoung _ . There’s nothing more interesting here; there’s nothing more dangerous. 

It is so easy to lose himself to Soonyoung. He moves like an open flame, but Soonyoung extinguishes him before he becomes a wildfire. He’s pulling him away from the dance floor and through a backdoor that Wonwoo hadn’t even noticed. His bearings are off. This is a stranger’s house equipped with the desolation of dreams. This place is just full of teenagers destroying themselves for a night. Is Wonwoo here for the self-destruction too? He wants to break the rules, to test his freedom, but does he want to ruin himself completely? How far will he take this game? 

Even though he knows he shouldn’t, he follows Soonyoung outside. They stumble into the cold air and when the door shuts, the silence is almost deafening. It has a backbeat, one that is still pulsing through Wonwoo, but otherwise, there’s nothing alive other than Wonwoo and Soonyoung. 

Beside him, Soonyoung is now holding a pack of cigarettes. His other hand is busy fishing for a lighter and Wonwoo’s hands are still on Soonyoung. “Wanna smoke?” Soonyoung asks after he’s found the lighter, tapping the bottom of the package against his leg. Wonwoo’s never seen him smoke. Whenever they are in the forest, it is just them. Also, he’s absolutely sure that he’s never caught smoke clinging to Soonyoung’s clothes. Not that he’s always that close to him, but he knows Soonyoung better by now. 

“Do you?” Wonwoo’s voice feels too loud. 

Soonyoung shrugs in response. “I figured I better try it out.” 

There’s something about his response that doesn’t sit well with Wonwoo. Still, his hands reach out to accept the proffered cigarette while his mind is screaming at him to say no, to walk back into the house, to  _ leave the party _ . That’s the part of his mind he doesn’t listen to, but he does wonder what would would happen if he said no. Would Soonyoung still bring that flame up to his own  mouth? Would he still cup his hands around Wonwoo’s mouth afterwards — deciding to light Wonwoo’s cigarette with the tip of his own instead of the fully functional lighter laying forgotten at their feet? 

Shakily, Wonwoo inhales, pulling the smoke into his lungs carefully. Is he supposed to hold it there? Does he immediately blow it out? Soonyoung is just staring at him with eyes the size of saucers, but Wonwoo wants to be guided through the action. He glances at him in askance, but Soonyoung just watches him, seemingly holding his own breath. Except Wonwoo knows that his lungs aren’t burning like his are. It feels like he’s swallowed a lit match. His throat burns all the way down to his lungs and he ends up choking on the rancid taste. If he really wants to destroy himself, he’s found the right place to start. 

His coughs subside quickly, but he can still feel the smoke lingering in his lungs. It doesn’t matter how much air he takes in, the taste just doesn’t go away. He’s contaminated his lungs with just one inhale. This must be what it is like to have a polluted body. 

Beside him, Soonyoung laughs. In the stillness, it sounds beautiful and full of life. Wonwoo watches from his hunched over position. It is in this complicated, suspended awe that Wonwoo watches as Soonyoung drops his own, unsmoked cigarette and stamps it out with the heel of his combat boot. Time seems to slow as he looks back up at Wonwoo with an impish grin on his face. “Fuck this shit, right?” He laughs and it feels like an insult. 

The next thing Wonwoo knows is that he’s alone with just his lit cigarette in his hands. He feels used. 

( _ now _ )

To be fair to him, Soonyoung’s driving isn’t terrible. Wonwoo’s only marginally scared for his life. “Turn signal,” he reminds him, gently, because he’s really not in the position to make Soonyoung upset now. “Brake.” He’s sitting on the edge of his seat, fiddling with his seatbelt uncomfortably. They might die before they make it to their workplace, but that’s okay because at least Soonyoung’s already dressed for his burial. 

“Stop it.” Soonyoung swats at him. The movement wouldn’t have worried Wonwoo if it was literally anyone else, but it is Soonyoung and he can hardly drive. Wonwoo’s pretty sure that they are partially driving on the sidewalk.  _ Hands on the wheel _ , he wants to say, but he doesn’t. He’s trained well. Instead, he just plays with his seatbelt, praying that there’s no heavy traffic. 

When Wonwoo looks over at Soonyoung, there’s this intense look of concentration that Wonwoo has only noticed a couple times. The first had been when he took his college exams; the second was when he was filling out paperwork for their house. It is a look that shows commitment to the task. This is a look that Wonwoo loves because it is drastically different from the person that Soonyoung was. It is almost like they are two different people and this is their overlap. 

As though he can feel Wonwoo’s gaze, Soonyoung glances over at him and it makes Wonwoo instinctively reach out for the wheel.  _ Just in case _ . “Glad I finally learnt how to do this.” He smiles at Wonwoo, then his gaze is back to the road. Wonwoo realizes slowly back into his seat. “I think we’ll get there on time too.” For some reason, he’s so cute. Wonwoo can’t help but let out a laugh. Maybe it is because he could believe that this could end up with them injured, but mostly, he thinks it is because he’s happy and proud. Soonyoung’s finally made the progress he wanted to see in himself. 

Wonwoo really couldn’t ask for too much more from him. 

After all the years that life had fought against him, Soonyoung deserved to grow and flourish. Years of being mistreated by everyone in his life deserved to be bred into something good. Wonwoo’s glad he caught Soonyoung when he did because he worries about what would have happened otherwise. 

( _ then _ )

“I can’t graduate.” Soonyoung says, sitting on Wonwoo’s porch. If he’s found here, then the cops will be called, but neither of them care at this point. “Too many absences, too few grades.” His laugh is bitter as he kicks at the ground. For once, Soonyoung wants something from Wonwoo, but Wonwoo doesn’t understand him. They are still strangers at this point. 

He notices that the bruise on his face is mostly gone now. “You’ll only have to redo senior year,” Wonwoo knows that he’s not helping anything, but that’s the reality of the situation. He decided to wait until the end of the year to act out so he’ll still be able to graduate. Soonyoung should have known that years of skipping would end up hurting him. This doesn’t have anything to do with Wonwoo. If he had half a mind, then he’d tell Soonyoung to get lost. 

Except he could never do that. 

“Yeah,” Soonyoung responds distantly. 

The silence that follows is awkward. Wonwoo looks back to make sure no one has heard their exchange so far. No one comes out to whisk Soonyoung away, so he figures that no one is going to interrupt them. Carefully, Wonwoo makes his way over to where Soonyoung is and he sits down right beside him, letting his legs fall over the side of the porch. “It was bound to happen.”

Again, Soonyoung seems elsewhere. “Yeah.”

Honestly, Wonwoo’s irritated that Soonyoung’s shown up here, but won’t say anything else on the topic. Clearly, there’s something on his mind, but Wonwoo can’t figure out what unless Soonyoung gives him some sort of clue. It isn’t like they are actually friends who spend time together. It is just by coincidence that they both end up in the forest together most nights. It just happened that Soonyoung was going to the party that Wonwoo decided to go to. 

“Hey,” Soonyoung says after some time. “We’re going to fix my grades.” 

It doesn’t sound optimistic, like Wonwoo hopes. Instead, it just sounds as empty as Soonyoung’s other replies. “How are you going to do that with only a month left?” Wonwoo asks, not meaning to sound as angry as he does. If Soonyoung hears the anger coloring his tone, he doesn’t comment on it. 

No, he’s stuck on this idea of bettering himself without actually working for it. “Who cares? We’ll figure it out.” He shrugs. 

_ We _ , Wonwoo hears. He wonders when they became a  _ we _ and why he wasn’t informed of it. Hearing them grouped together makes him feel queasy. Is it because he wants to be able to call them a  _ we _ , but he knows that’ll never happen. He’s delusional for even thinking about it. “We have to have some plan.” Wonwoo grumbles, pushing his hair back. It is starting to get too long. His parents will want him to cut it and he’ll get annoyed with it. 

“I was thinking about changing the records?” That’s Soonyoung’s great plan. Wonwoo wants to throw something at him. The closest thing by him is a rock, so he leaves it. Still, the feeling of irritation stays, maybe even grows. 

“Idiot,” Wonwoo rolls his eyes. “They’ll know someone changed them if they already told you you weren’t going to graduate.” 

Next to him, Soonyoung’s eyes widen in understanding. The action is so innocent and dense that Wonwoo can’t stop the affectionate laugh that slips free. He’s not in any position to feel affection towards Soonyoung or to act on that affection, but here he is, disobeying himself and the laws of the universe. There’s something magnetic about Soonyoung that he’s drawn to. Even if they have nothing in common and Soonyoung’s existence bothers Wonwoo, they still end up together. Despite all the odds. 

“What should I do then?” He asks, making a face. 

Wonwoo shrugs. “Summer school?” It is slightly surprising that Soonyoung wants to try to finish school at all, but he doesn’t push him on the topic. He’s no one to try to convince him not to chase his education. In this world, it is all about who is a professional and who isn’t. “Or you barter with the school. Go for the rest of the year and take all your tests. Prove to them that you are ready to graduate even though you missed a lot of days.” Both plans are just from the top of his head, but he doesn’t have anything better. It’d be different if it wasn’t about  _ school _ There’s only so many solutions to this problem. 

“Sure, I’ll talk to the school.” He gets up. “Your parents know I’m out here, by the way. They’ve been looking out the window.” 

“Oh,” Wonwoo whispers, frozen in place. There’s an alarm going off in the back of his head. For all he knows, the police have been called and they are on their way. His parents know that Soonyoung is the reason why he’s suddenly performing so poorly in all his classes. They know that he’s with Soonyoung when he disappears without a word. Right now, they know Soonyoung is out here now. “I’m so sorry,” Wonwoo decides to apologize now rather than later. 

Soonyoung shrugs. “I don’t care what they think about me. It sucks they don’t let you just be you.” Even though he seems like he doesn’t care about what he’s saying, Wonwoo is touched by his words. For once, he seems genuine and sweet. “They can watch us for all I care.” Again, he shrugs, stepping down a stair before turning around to look up at Wonwoo. “Wanna kiss me goodbye to spite them?” 

“What?” Wonwoo’s mouth is suddenly dry. He must have heard Soonyoung wrong. “What did you just say?” 

He needs him to repeat himself so he knows that he’s just hallucinating due to stress. “Kiss me goodbye. Give them a good show. Bet you aren’t out to them yet. If you don’t want to go back in with them, then you can come with me, yeah?” 

Really, Wonwoo can’t breathe, but he steps forward towards Soonyoung. “Okay.” He agrees, steeling himself. 

“You’ve never kissed anyone before, have you?” Soonyoung teases, pulling him down by his collar. “That’s cute…” 

Then he’s kissing Wonwoo. Maybe Minkyung taught Soonyoung how to knock the air out of someone’s lungs or maybe he’s always known how to do it, but Wonwoo feels unsteady the moment their lips touch. It only lasts a second because Soonyoung jumps back as though he’s been burnt. It is over too fast. Wonwoo knows he’s pouting even though he wishes that he wasn’t. 

Even though he’s pulled away, Soonyoung doesn’t look disgusted. Actually, he looks… confused. Wonwoo wonders why, but his thoughts are put to an end when he hears his front door open. Hastily, Soonyoung wraps his hand around Wonwoo’s wrist. And they run. 

( _ now _ )

Somehow, they manage to reach the hospital without any injury. At the very least, if they are injured, then they are at the hospital now. “I’m overdressed,” Soonyoung worries from the driver’s seat and it brings a smile to Wonwoo’s face. “You think Mingyu is going to make fun of me?” He asks, genuinely. Wonwoo doesn’t have the heart to tell him  _ absolutely _ , so he tries to find a nicer response that should already be obvious to Soonyoung. 

“He might,” Wonwoo says instead. “But if you love that outfit, then don’t let him get to you.” 

Beside him, Soonyoung laughs. “You are absolutely a weirdo for supporting me when I  _ know  _ you hate this fucking suit.” 

“It isn’t my suit though,” Wonwoo shrugs. “Not my body. I just want you to be happy today.” 

Today is, arguably, more important for them than it is for anyone else. The end of the year party is a norm, but this will be their last one. Soonyoung’s been given a job offer that was too good to refuse and Wonwoo had had a successful interview at the same place. Honestly, it was time for them to move away from their comfort zone. Too many strangers knew them from the incidents that ruined Soonyoung’s reputation. Soonyoung deserved a successful job and a new start, except, Wonwoo didn’t want it to be completely new for him. That’s why he insisted on coming. Plus, Soonyoung’s not in a position to get rid of him. 

“Today’s not exactly  _ happy _ .” Soonyoung scoffs, rubbing the steering wheel nervously. “It’ll be our last day here. What comes next is, like, a mystery.” It is too late for him to be getting this emotional about it. They’ve both secured their jobs. Their start dates are identical. In exactly one week, they should be in Seoul at one of the top hospitals in the country. Wonwoo’s nervous to start a job there, but he’s confident in his skills, just like he always has been. 

He knows better than to leave the car now that Soonyoung’s opened up, but he doesn’t want to be any later than they already are. “We were ready to move on, Soonyoung. This has been our plan since graduation. If you graduated, then this was where we’d go when we were ready.” Wonwoo puts out his hand and Soonyoung takes it into his own. He’s so pilant, so soft now. Wonwoo would never have imagined that one day they would be like this. Again, they are being oddly domestic. Wonwoo has to wonder if they’ve always been like this and he just didn’t notice the change from strangers to lovers or if Soonyoung’s just nervous. 

Maybe he never recognized the change because he’s always had these misplaced feelings for Soonyoung. 

“What if I’m not ready?” Soonyoung whispers, looking over at Wonwoo. “This is normal now. I’m used to it. Once we move, everything will change. We’ll be working somewhere new, Mingyu won’t be there to hold our hands when we are being idiots and can’t set up furniture, we’ll have to make new friends who won’t have to travel to visit us. Maybe it is just too much at once? Plus… who’s going to like me? I don’t really make good impressions.” This Soonyoung is so shy and fragile that Wonwoo doesn’t know how not to break him. He’s so used to seeing the playful Soonyoung from this morning. This man isn’t a stranger, but he’s hard to recognize. Wonwoo finds he loves him all the same. 

Sighing, he runs his thumb over the back of Soonyoung’s hand. “If you aren’t ready, then we’ll stay here. Still, we are here and we aren’t going home now. This is a celebration either way, leaving or staying.” For Wonwoo, leaving is easy, but Soonyoung’s planted roots here that Wonwoo doesn’t want to damage. He’s not going to be the reason for Soonyoung’s unhappiness. He spent too much of his life disappointing and hurting Soonyoung already. Everything left should be good. “So, let’s get in there.” 

Bravely, Soonyoung lifts their clasped hands to his lips and kisses where they are touching. “Okay,” he says against his skin. Wonwoo can’t help but smile over at him when he complies. If nothing more, then they have each other. It doesn’t really matter where they are because home isn’t physical to them. It hasn’t been since Wonwoo skipped school the very first day. 

( _ then _ )

Wonwoo doesn’t know how long they’ve been running, but they don’t stop until they reach the forest. 

“Kiss me again,” Soonyoung demands between deep breaths. He’s bent over, hands on his knees whereas Wonwoo has just crumpled to the ground in exhaustion. His feet ache and his lungs burn. When Wonwoo doesn’t reply to him, Soonyoung comes closer. “Wonwoo, kiss me again.” He towers above Wonwoo, finally looking as tall as he wishes he was. 

Unconsciously, Wonwoo licks his lips. His mouth is dry from running, but he wants to fulfill Soonyoung’s request. “What?” He asks just to make sure he’s heard Soonyoung right. They might be operating on adrenaline, but that doesn’t mean that Wonwoo doesn’t want this. He tugs on Soonyoung, trying to get him to collapse alongside him. 

As his knees dig into the ground, Soonyoung suddenly looks shy. “Kiss me, again. I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

“Oh,” Wonwoo whispers, leaning forward slow enough for Soonyoung to know that this is intentional. “Are you sure?” He asks when their lips are just a breath apart. “I don’t know if I can stop once I start.” He laughs weakly, still trying to catch his breath from their sprint away from Wonwoo’s house. “You’ll have to stop me.” 

“What if I don’t want to?” Soonyoung fires back, defiant as ever, but when has he ever wanted to stop Wonwoo from ruining himself? Wonwoo’s mind goes blank as Soonyoung surges forward to kiss him with too much enthusiasm. Their teeth knock into one another, but it doesn’t deter them. Wonwoo laughs against Soonyoung’s mouth, inhaling sharply when Soonyoung’s hand grabs his hip. 

“What about Minkyung?” Wonwoo manages to get out before Soonyoung comes back in again. 

This time, it is Soonyoung laughing against Wonwoo’s mouth. “ _ Fuck  _ Minkyung.” There’s no animosity behind his tone, but before Wonwoo can ask for him to explain, Soonyoung is pressing him into the dirt floor with overly eager kisses that Wonwoo returns wholeheartedly. They aren’t friends, aren’t lovers, so Wonwoo isn’t sure about what’s happening, but he can’t stop it. He doesn’t want to stop it.  Alarms are going off in his head, warning him that this is a  _ bad idea _ . If he stays here, grounded in this moment, then he’ll be lost to Soonyoung forever. That’s the way he is. He always grows too attached to people. 

That’s why it is better to just keep to himself. 

Soonyoung nips at his lips, laughing. “This is so stupid.” He says and Wonwoo sits up, feeling his cheeks burn in humiliation. It isn’t Soonyoung who has the complicated feelings. Soonyoung isn’t the one who confessed to being gay right here in this very forest. It isn’t Soonyoung who dreams about this moment. 

“Yeah,” Wonwoo pushes Soonyoung away, bringing his knees up to his chest. The position isn’t anymore comforting, but he doesn’t know what else to do. He should have never kissed Soonyoung in the first place. If he had just said no and went back into the house, he could have ignored his parents. He’s good at playing dead rather than letting these feelings blossom in his chest. 

Again, Soonyoung laughs, rolling his eyes. “Why do we even hate each other?” The question doesn’t make any sense. Wonwoo looks up at him in surprise. He had expected him to say that they had made a mistake, to tell him to forget about this, but instead, Soonyoung was asking about the state of their relationship. 

Wonwoo unfurls himself slowly. “I punched you.” He admits. “I would hate someone who just punched me after I helped him.” 

“But I don’t hate you.” Soonyoung shakes his head, holding his hands out. “I might be bad at expressing my feelings, but if I hated you, then I wouldn’t be hanging out with you. I wouldn’t have shown you  _ this _ .” He gestures to the scenery around them. As he’s looking, he realizes how dark it is getting. They can’t stay here all night, but he doesn’t know where they’ll end up either. “Maybe I did hate you, at first, but when you approached me in school that day, I realized that you weren’t who I thought you were. Not really.” At the mention of it, Wonwoo is taken back in time to the day when he decided that everything had to change. 

That had been the start of Wonwoo’s life. 

Smiling even though he doesn’t know what will happen next, Wonwoo reaches out and takes one of Soonyoung’s hands into his own. “I don't hate you either, Soonyoung. I don’t think I ever did.” They both laugh lightly, but their hands stay clasped. It gives Wonwoo a type of hope that he didn’t know he needed. 

( _ now _ )

Minkyung greets them at the door, handing over mugs of tea. “They’ve all been waiting for you two.” She laughs. “You guys are still the popular kids, especially when this is the last time some of us will hear from you.” Wonwoo tries to ignore the emotion in her voice. Their coworkers are going to be sad about today, but that doesn’t mean that this is sad for  _ them _ . Soonyoung and Wonwoo are (mostly) ready for this move, so Wonwoo isn’t going to let anyone deter him. 

But Soonyoung could be easily swayed at this point. Wonwoo hopes that he figures everything out on his own. If they are going to stay here, then he wants it to be because Soonyoung makes that decision on his own. Influence could be toxic. 

“Hello, troublemakers!” Mingyu thankfully interrupts Minkyung from whatever she is about to say. “This is a real party, as you see. Starting early to last all day, you know us.” In reality, there are meetings to be had in the morning. At one, Wonwoo needed to have his exit interview and Soonyoung was supposed to present a panel on neurology at nine. The whole day was supposed to be full of information and fun. Wonwoo had been sick during last year’s end of the year party, but Soonyoung had said it was fun. ‘ _ Well, fun for a couple of neurosurgeons _ .’ Wonwoo had laughed at that, wondering if it could be fun for medical technicians too. 

“Sorry we’re late,” Wonwoo apologizes, clapping Mingyu on the shoulder. 

Mingyu just shakes his head. “No way. You are right on time. Love the shirt.” He pinches the fabric, then smiles over at Sonyoung. Wonwoo watches him closely, able to mark the second where Mingyu realizes just what Soonyoung is wearing. “Hey, Soonyoung.” He calls, voice suddenly serious. “What the hell is that?” 

“Gucci,” Soonyoung grins at him, flipping him the bird before continuing his conversation with Minkyung. He thinks they are talking about Soonyoung’s program, but he hasn’t been paying attention close enough. 

“You let him leave the house in that?” Mingyu looks stressed, so Wonwoo carts him away, towards the breakfast bar. Since they are late, there are only an array of the worst picks on display, but he hardly cares. This is all to keep Mingyu away from Soonyoung. The last thing he wants is for Mingyu to make Soonyoung feel bad about his ugly suit. “You should have called me. I could have sent something over that wasn’t… so hideous. He’s going to give a presentation in that.” 

Tired of listening to him already, Wonwoo smacks a hand against his chest. Then he starts a sip of the tea. It is something with a hint of fruit in it and Wonwoo finds that he doesn’t really like it a whole lot, but Soonyoung will love it. He makes a mental note to circle back to Soonyoung and give him his cup too. “He wanted to wear it. I’m not a dream killer.” 

“You should have been.” Mingyu snorts, taking a sip from his to-go cup. 

The cons of having a party from seven in the morning to ten at night is that there are empty time slots. Wonwoo gets bored in the mornings, not having anything to do other than watch Soonyoung’s presentation, then drop in on a few other panels. Junhui’s isn’t particularly interesting, but he stays there the longest because there’s not too many people in there. If Junhui saw him here, he’d know that he’s pitying him, so he stays in the back. 

Honestly, Wonwoo tries to be everywhere at once because he realizes that he’ll miss all these people. Even the ones he isn’t particularly close to, he won’t be able to talk to again and it makes him pine for something that he never had. He had had a similar feeling during graduation. Desperately, he wanted to go back and redo everything, but he knew it was too late at that point. Just like right now, he can’t have any regrets because he’s beyond them now. 

He runs into Soonyoung just before his exit interview. Quite literally, Soonyoung is jogging down the hallway and doesn’t see Wonwoo. They collide and Soonyoung’s apologizing before he’s even off the ground. “Wonwoo!” He laughs, cheeks flushed. 

“Is this a bowling alley now?” He asks, rubbing his shoulder gently. “What’re you in a hurry for?” 

Soonyoung’s eyes are shining as he smiles. “Junhui’s presentation is wrapping up, so I want to catch it, then I’m going to find Minghao.” He seems just as desperate as Wonwoo is. For some reason, that calms Wonwoo down and reassures him that he’s not the only one feeling this way today. There could even be others with plans to move or retire. Wonwoo and Soonyoung just recently announced their departure because they figured they owed it to the people they called friends. 

“Go on then!” Wonwoo cheers, waving him on. “I’ll see you later for lunch, right?” 

“Yeah!” Soonyoung waves, rushing off. 

The exit interview goes exactly as planned and Wonwoo meets up with Soonyoung at their car. It is only minutes after two in the afternoon, but Wonwoo already feels exhausted. “Where are we going?” He asks, climbing into the passenger seat without even thinking about the consequences. Soonyoung looks excited, rushing to get into the car before Wonwoo can change his mind about him driving. “I hope it is just the place down the road.” 

“It is. A lot of people are walking, but I figured we’d drive since we have to go to the cancer research building after this.” Soonyoung says while starting the car. The rest of the drive goes by quietly with Wonwoo being vigilant about their surroundings,  _ just in case _ . It’d be embarrassing to crash while traveling such a short distance. 

Lunch comes and goes in a blur. Wonwoo feels out of his league and shy. If he could have been, then he would have been sick for this party too. These people might be his friends and he may genuinely like most of them, but he can’t keep up with a group conversation to save his life. He replies to a couple questions that are directly aimed at him and Soonyoung, but then he’s back to focusing on his food. Junhui sits to his left and makes small talk with him. It is as though he realizes that he’s feeling odd here. 

He wonders if he’ll find friends like this elsewhere. 

Junhui hadn’t ever been a person that he spoke to often, but he decided that it would be nice, even though a little late, if they exchanged numbers. Junhui is more than happy to give his phone numbers and warns him that he loves to send memes to his friends.  _ Does that make us friends now _ ? Wonwoo wonders.  _ Has it always just been this easy _ ?

From his other side, Soonyoung smiles at him and it looks so happy that Wonwoo has to wonder if leaving is the right decision.

( _ then _ )

The certificate in Soonyoung’s hands makes Wonwoo happier than words can express. Pride swells in his chest as he takes Soonyoung into his arms without thinking. Soonyoung hugs him back, holding the flimsy piece of paper. “You did it,” Wonwoo says, squeezing Soonyoung until he feels like this is a tad more affectionate than they should be. 

“I did it,” Soonyoung echoes, tears in his eyes. It is the first time that Wonwoo has seen him like this. 

Before Wonwoo can say anything else though, Soonyoung is sitting down on the ground, digging his fingers into the dirt. “Do you think any colleges are actually going to accept me though?” He doesn’t look up at Wonwoo when he asks. “I might’ve made it through high school, but how can I go any farther with my records?” 

“I think it says a lot that you went and graduated.” Wonwoo admits. “It is going to be hard, but you will just have to prove everyone that you aren’t who they think you are.” This is a new starting point for Soonyoung. Wonwoo is watching him before his eyes and he can see how Soonyoung wants to change. He thinks that if he really wants it, then he can achieve. “Plus…” He suddenly feels shy. 

Soonyoung looks up at him now. “Plus?”

“I’ll help you.” He says, cheeks burning. “With my help, we’ll figure  _ something _ out.” That’s what he says, but he knows that with his help, he’ll make sure that Soonyoung succeeds. The universe has been too unforgiving. It is time for it to be kind to Soonyoung. “So, don’t worry. Let’s just be proud of your success right now. Should we celebrate?”

From the ground, Soonyoung just shakes his head. “No. I just want to share it with you.” 

Not for the first time, Wonwoo's heartbeat threatens to deafen him. “Yeah?” He licks his lips. His mouth feels like it has been stuffed with cotton, but he doesn’t know why he’s feeling like this. All Soonyoung said is that he doesn’t want to celebrate.  _ No,  _ his brain amends itself.  _ He wants to share this with you _ . He wants to share a huge accomplishment with just Wonwoo. Should Wonwoo try to get him to go out and celebrate? Would it be the right thing if he did that? 

He wants to keep this to himself. Not Soonyoung’s achievement, but this moment, the fact that Soonyoung told him first. It makes him feel special in a way that he doesn’t understand. No one has ever just wanted to confide in Wonwoo. 

Carefully, he sits down next to Soonyoung on the ground. It’ll be one of the last days that they get to just be here, but neither know that yet. A fire will destroy the beauty that they’ve fallen in love with, fallen in love under. Soonyoung leans his head against Wonwoo’s shoulder and they just stay like that for a little bit. The silence is nice and welcoming, especially when the air feels so pregnant with hopeful expectation. There’s a future out there for them; They just have to go chase it. The steps they’ve taken are just the first couple. 

“Thank you,” Soonyoung says eventually, not moving. 

Wonwoo’s neck is starting to hurt, but he wants to stay this close to Soonyoung. “For what?” He asks. 

Moving away from him, Soonyoung shrugs. “Talking to me when everyone was scared of me?” He laughs. “I don’t know. For telling me that pickpocketing from the teachers was going to get me put into jail? For being you?” There’s something nervous in his expression, but Wonwoo thinks he’s just trying to read into the whole situation too much. 

“Oh, well, thank you too then.” Wonwoo smiles softly, hitting Soonyoung’s shoulder. 

It is Soonyoung’s turn to look confused. “For?” 

“Being you. Teaching me that life isn’t just all about school and fitting into boxes and that smoking is bad.” They both laugh then. It feels warm despite them being outside. Wonwoo absolutely picks up a shiny rock next to them. “Here, my gratitude.” 

Soonyoung takes the rock, pocketing it before searching for his own to give Wonwoo in return. he finds a jagged, ugly thing. “Here is mine.” He hands it over. Both fall over in laughter at this, but neither let go of their rocks. 

( _ now _ )

It is almost midnight by the time they pull up to their house. This time, Wonwoo drives just because he can see the exhaustion weighing on Soonyoung when they leave the restaurant. As they walk towards their front door, Soonyoung leans all his weight against Wonwoo as though he could fall down right in their driveway. Wonwoo can sympathize with him, but someone has to retain responsibility until they are tucked away in their bed. It is hard to walk and support Soonyoung’s weight, but Wonwoo manages, pulling his keys out of his pocket to unlock their front door. 

He remembers the first time they stood here. It feels like another lifetime now. 

“In you go,” Wonwoo opens the door, then pushes Soonyoung through first. It is up to him to make it to the bathroom to brush his teeth. In reality, he’ll probably only make it to the couch or if Wonwoo’s lucky, then the bedroom. 

At first, Soonyoung stumbles, but then he’s making his way into their darkened house. All the lights are shut off and there is no sunlight to guide him. While Wonwoo locks the door, he prays that Soonyoung doesn’t break anything while in his current state. “Hey, go brush your teeth!” Wonwoo yells after him as he flips the kitchen light on. “I’m not going to do it for you!” 

Something falls over, but Wonwoo doesn’t even bother checking right now. Instead, he pours himself a glass of water and takes a minute for himself. Socialization had never been Wonwoo’s strength, so at the end of a day like today, he needs a moment. It is so easy to forget himself when he’s surrounded by so many other people. He drinks the entirety of his glass slowly, trying to quiet all the noise in his brain. It’ll be hard to sleep if he’s still thinking about all the events of today. 

He is just finishing his glass when there’s an obnoxious banging against the wall. “Really?” He whispers to himself, running his hand through his hair. Immediately, he regrets the action because his hair is greasy even though he showered this morning. It must be a combination of sweat and hair product. He quickly wipes his hand off on a dish rag before searching for Soonyoung. He must not have gotten too far, especially when the crash sounded so nearby. When Wonwoo passes the living room, he notices that their favorite plant is tipped over and the table it was sat on has fallen too. Soonyoung must’ve ran into it, or maybe he was looking for purchase because his legs were asleep. It didn’t matter. 

It only takes two steps for Wonwoo to find Soonyoung, he’s laying in the middle of the hallway, holding onto the tablecloth that must’ve been covering the table that he toppled over. It all irritatingly makes sense, but Wonwoo’s too tired to be upset. He’ll tuck Soonyoung into bed, then he’ll go fix the mess before going to bed himself. The things he does for love. 

“Wonwoo,” Soonyoung whines, stretching lazily on the floor. He looks like a cat, which makes Wonwoo think about how he wants to open the floor for that discussion when they make it to their new place. They’d be good cat dads. Soonyoung’s got a huge heart and he’s always spending time at home when he’s supposed to be elsewhere and Wonwoo loves cats and is responsible. It would definitely work out and they have the money. But that’s off topic. Wonwoo needs to be here for Soonyoung now. He comes as close as he can and then bends down to pick Soonyoung up. “I love you.” 

His heart may have stopped. Wonwoo has to pause. “What?” He whispers, looking down at Soonyoung. His eyes are closed and he’s cuddled right up to Wonwoo’s chest. He could have easily just imagined it. It would have been easy considering how tired they both are. “What did you just say?”

“I love you, Wonwoo,” he says, yawn accompanying his words. “I want our new start.” 

_ Oh _ . Warmth fills Wonwoo as his mind restarts. He carries Soonyoung into the bathroom and sits him atop the toilet (after closing the lid, of course). “Let’s brush your teeth, sleepy.” Even though he said he wouldn’t be doing this, he still is. When it comes to Soonyoung, Wonwoo is a little bit of a pushover. Quickly, he loads Soonyoung’s toothbrush with toothpaste and places it in his mouth. “You have to do that part on your own though.” 

Grumbling, Soonyoung starts to brush his teeth in a manner that will probably damage his gums, but Wonwoo doesn’t stop him. Even if he told him to brush more gently, he wouldn’t do it. That’s just the type of person Soonyoung always was. He can’t be halfway through the alphabet when he takes his toothbrush out. “I love you, Jeon Wonwoo.” He says through a mouth of toothpaste. “I’m telling you that I love you and I want you to listen because I’ve never told anyone that before. You know everything about me.” He looks so serious that Wonwoo freezes, watching him instead of himself. “Usually the people who know everything hate me. I wasn’t ever really a good person, but I tried to turn myself around. I might only be succeeding now, but you never left me. You even want to move with me. I’m lucky, yeah? Probably the luckiest person in the world, yet I’m not telling you how much I love you and that’s so  _ stupid  _ of me.” He’s starting to get upset, but Wonwoo can’t stop him. “I should have always been telling you this. As soon as I realized it, I should have showered you in love, but I was scared of myself.” 

Wonwoo’s toothbrush falls limply at his side. “I understand.” He’s not trying to interrupt him. He just wants Soonyoung to know that he understands what he’s feeling. Years ago, Wonwoo had been where Soonyoung is now. 

“Now, I’m not scared.” With that, he puts his toothbrush back in his mouth and starts brushing again. Wonwoo can’t really breathe, but he manages to continue brushing his teeth too. Maybe this is the beginning that they want. This could have been what they were talking about the entire time. 

Wonwoo doesn’t realize that he’s shaking until he’s rinsing out his toothbrush. Soonyoung sees his tremors too and he seems to understand them. There’s no forest to run to anymore though. “Let’s go to bed, prestige.” Now it is time for Soonyoung to lead him. He peels the sheets back, then takes care in removing Wonwoo’s clothes. Wonwoo returns the favor with a glass heart. 

“I love you too,” he whispers when Soonyoung moves a piece of his hair away from his face. “Is that what scares you?” 

With wide eyes, Soonyoung shakes his head. “No, no.” Suddenly, he’s fully awake. “You are the only thing that doesn’t scare me.” He laughs, leaning in to press a kiss against the corner of Wonwoo’s mouth. “I was never scared of you. Just scared of myself.” The relief that Wonwoo feels shatters him. Tears stream down his face and he can’t comprehend why. He thinks it might be because he’s just so unbelievably happy. For Wonwoo, happiness was a foreign language until he met Soonyoung. 

Now, he’s fluent in it. 

( _ then _ )

“Open the door,” Wonwoo pushes against his shoulder, unable to keep the smile off his face. 

“No you,” Soonyoung pushes right back, handing the key over to him. 

They only have four boxes to move in, but they’ll figure everything out later. Right now, they have a home for the first time in their lives. This moment is pinnacle. Wonwoo wants to kiss Soonyoung again, but he knows that he might be pushing it. Whatever they have, Wonwoo is in no position to rush it. They came from nothing, but now he feels like he has everything. 

Soonyoung looks at Wonwoo like he’s his world. “Let’s do it together.” He grins, placing his hand over Wonwoo’s. 

Somehow, Wonwoo misses that look. “Deal,” he nods, sliding the key into the lock and twisting. Easily, the door opens and while it doesn’t feel like the beginning, it feels like moving on. Now every step is a step forward. Wonwoo looks over at Soonyoung and catches him watching Wonwoo. “Ready to make this house into a home?” 

“With you?” Soonyoung tilts his head to the side teasingly. “I’m more than ready.” 

 


End file.
